It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
