i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think I am morally bankrupt
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
