There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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