it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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