i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
