hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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