I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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