If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
