I'm gonna have a badass scar
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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