girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
