Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
