Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
