She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
