I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
