So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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