I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
