Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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