Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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