when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
