you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
