What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
