guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
