If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
