so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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