So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize