if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
