I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
