is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
