I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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