i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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