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Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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