oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
