my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
