so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
