Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
