Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
