some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
