Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
