This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize