I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
bring money and cleavage
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
