I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
