How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
