Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
