They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Congratulations! We have a period
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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