Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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