So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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