so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so let's talk penis.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
