He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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