Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
