I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm at about main and main street
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
