I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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