I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
