Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
