Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
