She's JV to your varsity
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need to align my fucking chakras
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