all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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