Duck Duck Cougar?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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