My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
