Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I believe in your delicious
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
