he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
