wat bout pragnant strippers??
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
